Completion Time: 3h:50m:00s
Rating: 2/10

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All Aboard!

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Yes, my final entry of the year, and I wanted to do something Christmas-y (and low stakes), so I picked what I figured would be an easy title that I had next to no experience with - The Polar Express! I am at least familiar with the film, and ugly as sin movie that kicked off a long series of Robert Zemeckis films where he figured the point of animation was to make it as close to live action as humanly possible, and all of them are appalling to look at. However, that's bound to lend itself well to a 3D GameCube title, because the models can't possibly be worse than they are in the movie itself!

Hi, Eddie Deezen. Stalked any waitresses lately?

As usual, I'll be completing this game in full, but since this is a licensed movie game from the early aughts, chances are completion will just be finishing the game and maybe grabbing some collectables, so I don't anticipate too many issues here.

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Do You Know What Kind of Train This Is?

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This has to be one of the rougher licensed games I've played, just because it feels like it barely works and has little going for it at the same time. The Zemeckis film already was stretching things by adapting a 24 page picture book into an action-adventure feature, but now the game has to actually find things for you to do. Half of the game is spent on the train, which at least makes sense, but there's very little to actually engage with here. There's a monstrous possessed Ebeneezer Scrooge puppet that wants all the kids thrown of the train for some reason, so he has his toy minions steal a bunch of tickets and harass you most every step of the way. I say "most every" because this plot only matters for half of the game, after which you're in the North Pole running around and doing other things. The pacing here is just bizarre and really all over the place due to this weird segmentation of things.

Just where are those puppet's strings leading?

As far as playability, this one has my favorite hallmark in all of gaming: disappearing soundtracks! I love going through a stage, playing tennis with a jack-in-the-box of Bing Crosby, and suddenly the music just goes away. Nothing to keep my attention other than the swinging of tennis rackets and the occasional "No!" shout from the puppet. Honestly wish this happened more consistently, because me laughing at the shoddy presentation of the game was one of the only things keeping my focus.

I think the lifeless puppet bodies may have affected his game

That isn't even to mention the abysmal dancing sequences, which just require you to tap buttons in sequence to accomplish activities. There are two of these sections: one for filling the train's furnace and one for the Hot Chocolate musical number. Both of these, however, go on for far too long, and the D-Pad was fighting against me the whole way. There's no gameplay here, and I thought I was done with this after playing DDR Mario Mix last month, but alas that wasn't the case. The only redeeming thing in this game would probably be the tube section, which sees you flying through a pneumatic tube hitting switches. It's simple, but at least it's fast paced and kept my attention, unlike the rest of this mess.

Dance Dance Revolution: Polar Express Mix

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Completing the Game

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As anticipated, completing this game was pretty simple. It's just a matter of collecting these toy parts that are hidden throughout the stages, but this only really a headache in two of the stages, as everything else has these pieces hiding in plain sight. The first of these is the skiing sequence, which has you racing to catch up to the train. There are multiple reasons for this. Firstly, the stage is pretty lengthy, and from my experience there's no way to die and reset your progress, so if you miss an items you'll have to restart the whole stage (or finish and then revisit it after the fact). And this is because the mechanics of the skiing isn't quite like a 3D Sonic game, if you surpass an item, you can't turn around and grab it no matter how slow you're going. This mountain goes one way: downhill.

I really feel like there should be a giant snowball chasing me here

The other stage is near the end of the game, where you're running around Santa's mechanical present-delivery hellscape and flipping levers to manipulate conveyor belts. These toy pieces are pretty well hidden and require specific event sequences before exiting the room, as once you leave to the next area you can't return. For this one, I'm unashamed to admit that I looked up a guide ultimately, as I was frustrated and had nothing else to do in the game, so I felt I was just wasting my time. But once you have those toy pieces, that's it! The coins only count towards lives and there aren't any secret modes or items to purchase. That's the one thing I like about completing these licensed games: they're usually easy to complete, even if difficult to finish.

Finally, a full set of toys for Santa's flight

But yeah, as expected, this is a rough one, and a depressing way to end out these blog posts for the year. I can't say I expected any different, however, and wanted something holiday adjacent for this wonderful time of year. Maybe next year I'll just do some snowboarding games and call it a day. Have a happy holiday season everyone! Or what's left of it anyway.

This is another entry in a series where I go through and complete every GameCube game, as it is the largest part of my video game collection. GameCube Games: 13/652